so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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