He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
