how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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