we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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