she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
