So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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