His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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