Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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