He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
