You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
