I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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