I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
