K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
smell my finger.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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