and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
