Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
