I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
