Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
