she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
