don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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