If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
