really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
