Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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