I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
