I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
