I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How external is "for external use only"?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
