this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
