Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
