he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
