and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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