I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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