who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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