My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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