i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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