she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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