Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
