you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The power of my boobs compel you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
