if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
