i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
