My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
