Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
