OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
