I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
