Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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