I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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