My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
