Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
