you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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