Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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