I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
