I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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